Approach Avoidance Conflict Should I do it or not?

Can we sit down and talk tomorrow when we both get home from class? ” Obviously, it won’t always be feasible to set a date if the conflict needs to be handled immediately because the consequences are immediate or if you or the other person has limited availability. In that case, you can still prepare, but make sure you allot time for the other person to digest and respond. During this stage you also want to figure out your goals for the interaction by reviewing your instrumental, relational, and self-presentation goals.

Additionally, Kiely writes on topics that help small business owners and entrepreneurs boost their social media engagement on platforms like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Some interviews were conducted for a previous version of this article. Lack of skills or training – An employee lacks the skills or training to properly do their job. Increase in workload – An employee’s workload is significantly increased, and they feel they are being pushed too hard. Managing expectations – both in terms of what you expect from others and what they expect of you – is one of the most important things a team can do to facilitate better communication. Anything you or your colleagues need from each other should be clearly defined and expressed.

Avoidance-Avoidance Conflict Examples

The list doesn’t need to be long, but it needs to cover what co-workers expect from each other when there’s a problem. Set this up ahead of time, before anyone loses their cool due to a conflict. Of course, collaboration may not always be possible, but it’s worth striving for. Too often, conflicts arise due to misunderstandings and poor communication. If everyone on the team is willing to state their needs and help meet the needs of others, a truly collaborative environment is born. Using “collaborating” involves finding a solution that entirely satisfies the concerns of all involved parties.

  • She is the author of the funny, but practical book for teachers, How to Handle Difficult Parents .
  • In Chinese culture, mediation reflects a value, tradition, and practice central to arranging the social order, world order, and even universal order, in the pursuit of harmony.
  • In this stage, you will likely learn how the other person is punctuating the conflict.
  • Sometimes everyone needs to take a break before they can come together, follow the ground rules and collaborate to get things done.
  • When someone feels exposed or rejected, they often respond with anger to mask their hurt, which ignites a conflict.
  • Each one thinks they’re handling conflict in a normal way and views the behavior of the other two co-workers as odd.

In the settlement stage, you want to decide on one of the proposals and then summarize the chosen proposal and any related concessions. It is possible that each party can have a different view of the agreed solution. If your roommate thinks you are cleaning the bathroom every other day and you plan to clean it on Wednesdays, then there could be future conflict.

Dealing with Conflicts in School: Advice from a Former Principal

While it may be easy to tolerate a problem when you’re not personally invested in it or view it as temporary, when faced with a situation like Rosa and D’Shaun’s, avoidance would just make the problem worse. For example, avoidance could first manifest as changing the subject, then progress from avoiding the issue to avoiding the person altogether, to even ending the relationship. If you find yourself being confronted by a colleague who uses inappropriate language or who makes you feel threatened, don’t reply in kind. Take action by reporting the behavior to someone outside the situation—make the impact of the behavior, in terms of how it made you feel, very clear. If you and your colleague are from the same department, the department head may be able to offer advice to help resolve the conflict. However, this option needs to be considered in light of the individuals involved.

How to Approach a Person Who Prefers Avoiding Conflicts

But if you ask a government employee about their conflict style, it’s much less likely they can talk about their tendencies and predilections around tension. In other words, you might be avoiding that confrontation because you’re pretty sure nothing good will come of it. “Conflict avoidance often manifests from a negative experience that may have taught you that it’s safer to avoid than to engage,” Morales explains. When a given circumstance signals you to fight, flee, or freeze, the easiest decision for you might be to walk away. The pressure mounts and perceived stress is followed by sweat, an increased heart rate, and worry, and your gut reaction to is avoid the situation altogether. “Not wanting to upset others is a common driver of conflict avoidance,” says Sherese Ezelle, L.M.H.C., a licensed behavioral therapist at One Medical.

Best practices to manage conflict

This way, you can work together to address both your concerns and solve the problem. Maybe you choose a uniform color entirely different from either of your original ideas. Paying attention to body language How to Approach a Person Who Prefers Avoiding Conflicts throughout your meetings can help you see whether anyone is growing annoyed or frustrated. Look out for facial expressions like rolling eyes, tapping feet or fingers, shaking heads, or intimidating stares.

  • Avoid the temptation to adopt the instinctive reactions of ‘fight or flight’.
  • Now go out there, watch for conflicts, nip them in the bud, and keep your team on track to hit all your biggest goals.
  • Given that workplace conflict will happen, the Niagara Institute team wanted to understand how professionals resolve conflict at work.
  • Therefore such mental conflict in decision making is called approach avoidance conflict.
  • For example, if a sports fan had to choose between either going to a football game or going to a grocery store, the choice would be easy since one of the options would be something they enjoy.

The pros of this are that you can give yourself more time to prepare for the issue before diving in and it’s a low-stress approach when the conflict seems trivial. The cons are that withdrawing from the conflict could be interpreted as your agreement with the opposing side and could actually ruin an important relationship that needs to talk out conflicts. To be successful with this conflict management style, you should use it only for large-scale decisions with high impact that require the input and agreement of all parties since it’s too time-consuming for smaller decisions. Based on your personality type, we’ve outlined which conflict management style will bring you the most success. Similarly, you may feel consequences if you don’t enter the conflict. Perhaps, those will be personal, moral consequences for not standing up for your beliefs.

Approach-Avoidance Conflict Examples

The senior employee might feel like the new one is disrespecting their role. They might try to assert power over the new employee by dismissing all their future ideas. This type of conflict often comes from clashing professional opinions. In most cases, these conflicts reflect work issues – maybe something like deciding how to best move your organization forward. When you agree to disagree, you agree that your opinions will never meet and decide to move forward anyway.

Rosa’s sarcastic tone as she tells D’Shaun that he’s “Soooo good with money! ” and his subsequent eye roll both bring the conflict to the surface without specifically addressing it. The avoiding style is either passive or indirect, meaning there is little information exchange, which may make this strategy less effective than others. We may decide to avoid conflict for many different reasons, some of which are better than others. If you view the conflict as having little importance to you, it may be better to ignore it. If the person you’re having conflict with will only be working in your office for a week, you may perceive a conflict to be temporary and choose to avoid it and hope that it will solve itself. If you are not emotionally invested in the conflict, you may be able to reframe your perspective and see the situation in a different way, therefore resolving the issue.

Conflict avoiders withdraw from the relationship.

By listening and incorporating feedback, you gain experience, try new things, and evolve as a manager. When I worked as a management consultant, I had a client that I thought of as difficult. I disagreed with the direction she was taking our project, the people she chose to involve, and the pace at which she thought we should do our work (why did she need to go so slow?). But because she was the client, and I was just starting out in my career, I didn’t think it was my place to openly disagree with her. By involving the other person in resolving the conflict, you gain his or her commitment and develop a stronger working relationship.

What is the root cause of conflicts?

According to Kelman, conflicts should be considered as a process driven by collective needs and fears rather than motivated by rational calculation and national interest. All human beings have basic needs.

If someone disrespects you or talks negatively to or about you, stay away from them. Of course, take time to assess other perspectives as well, if possible – what was the discussion about?